i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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