Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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