he wants to bone in the snuggie
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
