Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
