Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
