Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
