I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fuck appropriateness.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
