You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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