I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am available for nakedness
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
