I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
