This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
