I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
