Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
