So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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