I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
