the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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