I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
