Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
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Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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