Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
