apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
