I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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