Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
