im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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