My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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