she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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