I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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