he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
