I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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