Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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