and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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