Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
