But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
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