3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
