I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
