someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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