my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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