The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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