You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I will pee on everything he values.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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