Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
whose parrot is this?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
