I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
