pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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