can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
