the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
