we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.