Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap