Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
