you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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