they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
