Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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