Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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