I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
