think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
