i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
