he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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