I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
