Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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