can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
