I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
