Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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