i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
