I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
